Eight meetings a day is fun!

Ten eleven noon
One two three five six
Eight meetings today!

Today was one of those eight–meeting days. Wall–to–wall, sun up to sun down, butt–numbing meeting after meeting. I should have known the day was going sliding into a ninth circle of Meeting Hell, but didn't adjust my thinking in time to adequately prepare. Classic amateur mistake.

Lesson: You can't go lightly into a day filled with 30–to 90–minute meetings. Period.

No, you've got to plan right, lest you end up with a bruised tailbone and Jell–O for brains. So, here are some tips for getting through those long days where the only thing it seems you're there to do is fill a chair and say things like "Exactly!" and "That's interesting!"

Tip Number One: Hydrate
You've got to have something to drink. My drink of choice is coffee. If I had my choice, I'd just wheel around one of those wheeled coat-rack looking things they have in hospitals with a coffee I.V. drip stuck in my vein. But, that's just me. Coffee keeps you hydrated, for a time at least, and gives you an excuse to leave the meeting for the restroom. Nice.

Tip Number Two: Nutrition
Small meals are best. Avoid big lunches, especially greasy ones. If you eat something spicy or with onions, don't wash it down with a carbonated beverage, out of consideration for you coworkers. Then again, this can be kind of fun if you work with those you hate. I usually start out with a bran muffin and then see what works from there. Today, I had an incident in the cafeteria, inspiring this haiku:

Clink. Hum. Then....nada
Rage, rage against the machine
It ate my dollar

Tip Number Three: Mind Tricks
Keep your mind working in those meetings rather than just vegging out. I'd recommend haiku, of course, but there are other things you can do. A friend of mine draws cute bunny rabbits with disturbing expressions, often sneaking into conference rooms to leave rabbit grafitti in time for the next managers' meeting. It's a little victory, but not insignificant. Others go to their "Happy Place". Whatever, man. Just do it.

Tip Number Four: A) Smile. B) Nod.
If things go bad—very bad—in a meeting, relax. This too will pass. In management, soothing clichés abound. So, get back in the game. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

I leave you with one final haiku, inspired by my positively heroic patience during my record–setting day of meeting attendance. As you can see, it didn't end so well.

Her mouth open wide
My boss screams, growing redder
You will respect me

—Your Working Boy,
D